10 years...

My oldest turned 10 today.... a decade old. It seems like a big one. Not just because of the fact I now have a child in double digits, but because I have been a mom for a decade now!! What the what?! How did that happen?
Everyone has been posting their 10 year now and then photos. It got me to thinking about who I was 10 years ago. What I would want to tell her now, what I want to remember about her... because let’s face it, I’ve changed since 10 years ago, haven’t we all?! And if you haven’t, why haven’t you?! What’s holding you back from growing, learning and changing? Change isn’t bad, and the fact that I am not quite the same as the woman I was 10 years ago, shouldn’t be a bad thing, motherhood has not  made me “forget who I am”, motherhood has awoken me to who I need to be becoming.
So here are some things I feel like I would tell 2009 me.

    1.  Motherhood makes you understand God and the gospel, in a way you never understood it before. This one could be a entire blog entry in its self. In simple terms, I shamefully admit that i didn’t realize how much of a sinner I was until I became a mom. I know that’s so so weird right. But I think it took seeing a being that I created, and the love I felt for that little baby boy, to really understand how much God loves me, and why he desires my heart so deeply. And then realizing the pain he felt sending his child to pay for my sins,
   2.  Newborn stage is the easiest. For me anyways. I know many parents would disagree. But there is nothing like them staring up at you and nothing but love is in their eyes! They will always love you, but growing pains are real and sometimes the disconnect does come.
   3.  You will miss all the stages , but with the  growing  comes new amazing stages also.
   4.  Mistakes will be made, mainly by you.
   5.  You relationship with them is more important to their success in school. Basically, let them be little. Don’t rush them to read, just read to them. Don’t rush math, just play games with them. It will all happen, and so much learning is being done through the simple act of playing. Don’t feel pressure to get them on track education wise, society doesn’t always know best.
   6.  You’re going to have lots of great adventures. Maybe not like traveling the globe, but wonderful, simple things. Ocean, mountains, forests and hills, you cover them all, with your loud, sometimes complaining children, right beside you:)
   7.  Forgive yourself. It’s so hard to do sometimes, but don’t keep a record of your sins. Ask forgiveness and try to move on. You are not your mistakes.
   8.  Laugh more, smile more. The to do list is going to bog you down, but smile and laugh with your children. It’s good for the soul. It’s good for your kids to see you laugh :)
   9. Don’t brush your marriage aside. I feel like people tell you this all the time. I think everything has a season, and when your deep into the little years, it’s easy for this to happen. Make time to connect and to talk. Dates won’t always happen, that’s ok. You guys are a team. Work together , but in your marriage and in parenting. Neither will thrive if one is neglected. They go hand in hand.
  10.Don’t stop. Don’t stop caring. Don’t stop learning. Don’t stop trying. Especially , and most importantly, don’t stop looking to Jesus to be your strength.

I am sure I can elaborate on all of these, but it’s taken me 4 days to write just this out 😂  Within the last 10 minutes of writing this I have helped my boys sew their stuffed animals, stoped Edison from making another mess, and put the girls hair in buns.

The next 10 years are going to bring new life lessons... and my oldest will be 20 🤯 So yea, gonna go listen to my own advice now. Have a great Wednesday everyone! 

Holding babies

Hello world, I hope you all are enjoying a relaxing Thursday evening. My kids actually were all asleep by 8:20! This has not happened in a LONG time!! Maybe they have been in bed, not not asleep! It felt totally bizarre! They need some extra sleep, so I am hopeful this will help.  In all my free time tonight, eating some guacamole and watching a cheesy Christmas movie, I was looking through photos on my phone. Let me tell you, there are a lot, an almost embarrassing amount 😬
Well, so many of my favorite pictures, especially lately, are of my kiddos holding Evelyn.
It got me thinking, do you let your “babies” hold your baby?! Owen is almost 10, and I swear he thinks Evelyn is his, he just loves to take care of her and spends most of his time holding her.  Before she was even born, he was asking if he could hold her while he slept, he just wanted to be close to her constantly. Obviously I am not gonna let my 10 year old co-sleep with his newborn sister, but we do give him small amounts of that special time. Tonight as I held another child at bedtime, he snuggled his sweet Evelyn and she fell asleep on his chest, and he was holding her hand, while supporting her completely. The thought of him being a father holding his own babies to sleep, is not really a road I want to go down yet, but he for sure has the makings of an excellent father 😭😭

Anyways! Do you get nervous when your other kids hold the baby? I am usually pretty relaxed with it. If I know they won’t want to hold the baby long, I will just sit with them, and help support them hold the baby. Posey usually doesn’t last long, she is still a little thing herself and her arms get tired. Thanks to Shane reminding me that once Evelyn is a bit bigger, in a short time from now, the kids won’t be physically able to hold her! 😭 Their time is limited, just like mine and Shane’s. It’s a precious thing. So I have been trying to take photos of them holding her or even a video.
Edison loves to hold his Evelyn😍 He will continually ask to hold “his baby”.  Being 2 though, he is not often or for more then 2 seconds left along in the same room as her. You will thank us for this Evelyn 😂


I love how the kids know how great having a baby is, at the ages of 2,4,6,8 and 9, they know in their hearts how special babies are and how you must cherish the time. Some gems they have said to me this week about our Evelyn are:
- “momma, you have the cutest baby ever”
- “why is Evelyn even cuter than Posey and Ellanore as babies ?!”
- “Evelyn looks bigger today”
- “ I just love her so much!”
- “momma Evelyn is holding my fingers “

And most of these moments have been while holding her
🥰

Let me just end by saying, let your kids hold their siblings. In any capacity you’re ok with, and they can manage. I love that now Owen is old enough and confident enough, to even gently “dance” or “bounce” with Evelyn to help calm her when fuzzy, or that the boys are capable of playing video games, read or even color, while she is in their arms. Today Owen was drawing and then talking about his drawing to a curious Edison and a good friend, it’s just second nature🥰
I will always  love seeing the girls hold her close, like she is their real life baby doll. Edison giving sloppy kisses and gentle pats on her back, while I hold him holding her, will always be a tender memory.
It’s not always easy or convenient, but I love that my kids want to and enjoy, holding their baby :)
Goodnight all , sweet sweet dreams!

Morning ramblings

Tuesday we played a board game , created with legos, and read library books. Ballet and taekwondo classes are almost done for the year, the kids had a lot of fun. Tuesday is community group night and as much as it was crazy town for my kids and myself, before we headed there, we still decided to go, and it’s always a good choice.  Edison fell asleep on a room with  13 other kids playing with legos 😂
We got home after 10, and while I snuggled Edison, the other kids played legos again, like it wasn’t 10:30 at night and way past their normal bedtime😛And given the late time , I could have said no to bedtime stories (and I totally have) but tonight I still said yes. Saying yes to those simple little things, no matter what, is something I need to improve upon. Having Henry drift to sleep while reading a bedtime story is something I will never regret. Hearing Owen say “ I love you toots” one last time for the day, will always make me smile. It for sure ended our day on a good note yesterday 🥰  It’s Wednesday now, and I am snuggling Edison and Evelyn while the bigs still are asleep 😍 Thankful for new beginnings and mercies every day.  Excited to see what our day brings.  Hopefully it involves finishing cleaning out a closet I started way to late last night 😬  and lots of joy. Happy day friends!

Happy birthday to me.

Today is my birthday. Thank you to everyone who sent birthday well wishes!! There was a flood of them and it was so touching! From every card I received, to every text, thank you ☺️
It’s a lovely thing to be reminded that there are so many people out there who know you and love you 😊

My crew of course gave me birthday well wishes throughout the day. Hearing Edison sing happy birthday is super duper adorable. He’s heard it a lot the last month or so, and sings it often 😂
Our morning plans to get breakfast and do some shopping was derailed due to SO MANY road closures..... thank you Richmond Marathon runner  :) But seriously, it was encouraging to see so many people running , and enjoying it! I wish I could someday get there!
When we finally made it back home, successful in at least getting my free birthday Starbucks ☕️, we ordered some really yummy Italian food from a place in our neighborhood and we all walked there. Which by the way is one of my favorite things about our new home 🥰

As we sat at home eating our lunch, I started to think about the births of all my kids and their birthdays. How it feels like such a huge deal, not just because they are another year older , but it grew me also. It opened my heart more, to give and feel more love. It grew me in confidence, that I could care for another tiny human, and it started a new journey, a new relationship with this tiny human being that I love so so much. Birthdays remind me that I was the very first touch they had earth side. That Shane and I had the honor of holding a baby, moments after they took their first breath on this earth... all their squish, warmth, and softness was shared with us. I thought of my parents , how my mom sent me a video this morning and she sang happy birthday to me🥰 I may not be tiny or fresh anymore, but I am still her child. Still my parents child. I wondered if they also had all those memories flood back to them on their kids birthdays. I hope they do. I hope they can close their eyes and see me, my sister and brother, moments old, and safe in their arms. I hope it fills their heart to have such sweet memories, while also finding joy in all our new memories. What a gift that will be, when my oldest turns 33, if I can still recall back and remember. I hope it is so, and we hold on to that😍

This birthday was really pretty fantastic. Free coffee, lunch I didn’t have to make, a cake choosen with love, dinner I didn’t have to make, a clean house, easy and sweet bedtimes... I mean, I really got everything in my list!  Shane is hard on himself and never thinks he does enough,  but it’s always enough. We spent the rest of the afternoon rearranging bedrooms.... which for me, that’s like such a fun thing!! I love to rearrange rooms. It’s not Shane’s favorite, at all, but he did it for me, because he loves me 🥰🥰☺️ And that is the best way to give a gift, with love. Also, 12 years ago on this day, Shane asked me if I would be his wife! How has it been 12 years and I love having that memory on my birthday. What was a great one!!

Thank you again for all the birthday wishes, it made me feel so so loved. Here’s to 33!! May it be my best year yet!

6th time around and labor story.

It’s Thursday, how is it Thursday?! I am sure my husband who has been back to work, isn’t saying “wow the work week is flying by!” But I sure am saying that! The weather here has been beautiful so the kids spent the morning outside and then we found a ninja warrior esq obsticle course, so they played and ran the course for a while this afternoon :) Now it’s rest time so we are watching what our 2 year old calls “Woody- Buzz!!” Otherwise know as Toy Story!

It’s funny how as soon as you see those two pink little lines on the pregnancy test, how quickly everything floods back into the foreground! And no, I am not announcing we are pregnant again, that’s insane and impossible, I am simply reminiscing on the last 10 months, carrying and growing this sweet little baby girl. Although I have been pregnant 6 times(wow that’s crazy!) it still boggles my mind what out bodies can do! Ya know?! You endure this intense first trimester of extreme fatigue, changing hormones and morning sickness. 12 weeks or in some cases, longer , of all that nonsense!! I means the changing hormones and emotions that comes with parenthood in general never ends, but thank goodness the other two do!! I remember with this pregnancy I would start to feel nauseous if I hadn’t eaten in a while. So already it was like constant eating, and I instantly looked pregnant! For real, I had the baby bump like at week 4 it seemed like. Your body just knows what to do; been there done that. Also, to help the fatigue issue, I instantly get an aversion to coffee, so so sad. So I am fighting the feeling I might throw up, trying to find something that sounds good enough to eat, sleepy, and caffeine deprived. Who wouldn’t want to do this 6 times?!  But we do, and it’s worth it and it’s life changing. To my am children that may read this one day, every hard thing, every nap I wanted to take but didn’t, every time I wanted to vomit, every coffee less day, I would do it all again and wouldn’t change a thing. You’re worth it, and more.

That first trimester seemed so long this time. We didn’t tell anyone , not even the kids, until about week 12?! We were packing up and moving out. Life was about to change big time, so we kept it a little secret. The day Shane had to leave Michigan and start working in the Virginia market, we decided to tell the kids. In a hotel room, with way to much of our stuff in it, the kids found out that their wish had come true, another baby would be joining our family. They were so so happy. Then we told them we already knew the  baby was a girl!!! Ellanore and Posey were beyond thrilled and the boys seemed perfectly tickled by it ❤️  We didn’t yet officially know you Evelyn, but we were in love 🥰.

Isn’t it funny how you love someone so deeply, someone you haven’t even officially met?! All we knew about her was that she was a she, and her faint little movements she would give us.
Which brings me to the first thing I will really miss about pregnancy, feeling your baby move!! And despite my kids being a good size, I was never bothered by their kicks and rolls, sometimes not even feeling them until the 3rd trimester!!  But when we did feel them, man it was wonderful!! Just the other day, Ellanore said, while holding Evelyn mind you, “ I miss feeling her move in your belly”. ❤️ Another soul, another heart, beating close to yours, growing, stretching kicking, it is such a special gift. There wouldn’t be a day that went by where Owen did ask if I had felt the baby move lately, and then proceeded to snuggle my belly. It’s those little moments that really make me enjoy pregnancy. I will miss my kids experiencing that on some level with me. I will hold on to the hope that one day I can experience them having that amazing experience when they are grown and starting a family🥰❤️😭

As the weeks went on, the realization of labor drawing nearer, I was increasingly more fearful about it all. Would labor be long? Could i endure it ? Will Shane be close to home? What if it’s super quick and he is gone!? Among all those probably normal concerns, were the extreme ones also: what if something goes wrong?? What if the baby is not ok? Fear likes to sneak in and take your joy.
In the beginning of October, I was able to attend our church’s first women’s conference. I was blessed with hearing amazing women remind us, remind me, of the truth of who I am. Now, who I am, isn’t just human growing machine:) Its so much more, wrapped into this amazing process. This intricate process that I believe only God, creator of the universe, could have designed. Despite my fears, the truth is He designed women to have this wonderful capability. He does not fail. No matter what your outcome is: natural, c-section, emergency, and anything in between, I knew that I would sit will with my soul.

I swear at 37 weeks, everyone starts expecting you to have the baby! I really wish that the 37weeks means full term thing , would just go bye bye! For those of us that have babies that like to stay cozy in there a little bit longer, it makes it really rather annoying ;)
I knew I would go past my due date. It just didn’t seems like I would be having her anytime soon. However, I really wanted to NOT go into 43 weeks again like with Edison!!! I felt wonderful with Edison, all 11 pounds of him, staying put in my womb. This time around I wasn’t as rosey :) My back hurt, that darn siatic started to not want to feel the best! I was ping ponging back and forth between being ready to face labor and wanting to run from it. The hormones shifting, causing havoc in my emotions, good and bad, was a bit stronger than usual. I want to insert something here that I didn’t realize until after labor and birth of Evelyn. Shane one day asked the kids what they thought life would be like if sim hadn’t entered the world, if we were still in Eden. I thought on it also, and thought “what would birth be like?!” Would it be the same? Pain free? Easy??  That then led me to this picture. Within pregnancy and labor, God painted a beautiful picture of our wait for Heaven. Becoming pregnant is like understanding that God sent Jesus as our savior, dying for us, and putting our faith in God that He will come back for us one day. It’s not always an easy walk. Just because we love God and follow him doesn’t mean life is easy! Growing pains, stretching, uncomfortable movements, pain, doubt, questions galore, studying to understand better.....an incredible amount of parallels can be drawn! We are waiting for this amazing end: in pregnancy a baby, and in life, Heaven. Life is all these things I listed and more. Pregnancy and labor is just metaphor for our lives here in this broken world. It can be beautiful, but ultimately it is not our home, we are awaiting heaven. Enter scene : the baby. The moment your baby is earth side, it’s like a joy completely indescribable, sacred, and complete!  It all makes sense! Every struggle, pain, tear that was shed, it all was worth it! You understand. The Bible says that Heaven will have no home for tears,sickness, hurt, anger or death!  Now I understand  that unlike Heaven, after your give birth to your child, life keeps going on and it is still imperfect. But how amazing is it that as a believer, one who knows that that God designed me, as a women, to be distinctly different and have different purpose, He uses that to share what a joy it will be to enter heavens gates. We don’t need to be afraid. For He is good.

Ok so back to my story, I sorta went off a little there :)

My due date came and went. As I expected. Physically I was done, ready to have this baby. Emotionally, I was not as much. It’s a tender thing to have this child grow in your womb, only then to bring it into this world and then not have that intense connection anymore. The final weeks of pregnancy have always been emotional for me, whether you see that or not. Inside I am listing all the things we didn’t do before baby, all the pregnancy pictures I didn’t take, all the journaling I didn’t do,  how the house is NEVER clean and how can we welcome this perfect baby into a messy house..... just all the things can pile up in your heart and it’s a lot to process. So I am never in a hurry to give birth, for I know that this limbo area is a special, weird time.
Well on Sunday night, the 27th, I was feeling some contractions, but I just assumed it was end of the day tiredness and didn’t think anything of it. However we should have know. Edison was very sad and emotional when we brought up baby sister , and he gave me extra snuggles and love. He must have know it was near.... not sure how, but it seems like he knew 🥰 Waking is throughout the night, especially towards the end of pregnancy, is not uncommon. I was up a few times and the second or third time up, I wondered if I was in labor. After a while I just stayed up, it was about 4:30am.  I told Shane I think I was in labor but we didn’t need to rush. I started to just pick up things to keep myself busy, and things progressed quickly. Starting to feel transition approach, I called the midwife, we got the kids up, and  headed out the door. The kids were a combination of excited and still asleep. Henry and Ellanore were PUMPED. Owen, Posey and Edison were basically sleep walking :)
Que all the tears.  I didn’t want to say bye to the kids. I didn’t want to be in labor, but I ultimately knew it was of course all part of the plan. Hard things are sometimes good things. I am so grateful that Shane is calm and collected ( I am sure he would dispute that). He gathered us in prayer, and then efficiently loaded the car and saw the kids into our friends home.

The 15 minute car ride to the hospital was sweet, last moments before sweet Evelyn arrived. I had Shane park in the wrong lot, my bad, I parked there all the time for my midwife appointments and didn’t think anything of it. Shane wheeled me into the hospital, one last time, even though I was still ok with walking and talking.  Meghan, our midwife was there and had Christmas lights dimly lighting the room and bathroom. Everything was ready. Really, all they needed was me, it was very calm and quiet.

Labor picked up quickly you could say. We arrived to the room a bit before 6 am and she was born at 7:15. Thank goodness it wasn’t a long labor. I barely wanted to keep going after the maybe 45 mins of active labor. Breathing and focus never has been so helpful!

I was free to do what I needed. It was all up to me. Having that freedom, and also having my body work in sync with the baby, and exactly how it needed to, is such an amazing,  empowering feeling. I found my grove. I complained a bit ;) Made some jokes about “never doing this again “ But I knew in my heart that this was good good work. Breathing in, breathing out, rocking, humming, squeezing and beating it all down, I kept reminding my heart that this is all perfectly designed. Part of my purpose was this. That’s not a bad thing. It was empowering in my quiet mind to remember that.

I knew I was close, but something was different. My water hadn’t broke yet. I knew she would be born if it were to break, and a quick memory of Henry’s long labor flashed before me. His water was still intact and i felt that bearing down pressure for sure a long time. I knew I did not want her to break my water, this was the finale and I didn’t want anyone helping my body to its job. She wasn’t born in caul, but it was very close. Having that water intact while my body pushed, felt wildly different and like something was wrong. Let’s me say that after labor I noticed I had something in my throat, well nope it was just my uvula (hangy-Ball in your throat😂) completely swollen from yelling. 😬😱😂

She was born at 7:15, into my arms. She was warm and squishy and slippery. Wrinkled , red and swollen, I just quietly held her. Soaking in the last, first moments, of my baby, earth side, and no longer completely in the same location. I remember when it was time for Shane to cut the cord, I welled up with tears, as the last connection our bodies would have in this pregnancy journey, was over. I knew I needed to look for moments like that, to appreciate and store away in my heart.

We sat in quiet, eating really bad hospital food, snapping pictures and resting, for a few hours. She wasn’t even weighed or measured. It was just us, the three of us, soaking her in. Literally watching her change those first few hours as fluids disperse and she coloring normalizes. It’s incredible.

I realized, not for the first time, but remembered, that this entire motherhood journey, starting from the very moment we learned about Owen, to this very moment, God is growing me in this journey.  In the very best way possible. He has used this journey to reveal  so much about his heart and character and helping me understand and breathe in the gospel even more.

Pregnancy was over, labor was endured, and now the rest begins.
A beautiful and life changing chapter had ended new exciting adventure was starting. Evelyn Rosalie’s adventure was truly starting. Life as a family of 8 was about to begin!!

If you read all this and still want to be friends, then you get me and I love that :)

Starting back up.

So my last blog post was when Edison was a newborn!!! Obviously life has been busy and wild!! Maybe I feel the urge to write after we have a big life change, and this year has brought a lot!
Just to name them real quick , without diving into the experience:
1.Shane was offered a new position on Jimmy Johns, which brought on a move.
2. We discovered we would be expecting a 6th child.
3. We moved out of our farm house and into my parents homes for a bit, while Shane was already living in VA.
4. We traveled a lot! NYC, Philly, Orlando, Louisville, Indianapolis for Gen Con! And so many other day travels!!
5. Missed Shane a lot.
6. We finally found a home in Richmond Va!
7. Last week we welcomed our 6th little love, Evelyn, into our family!! I

It’s been such a wild year! Being that it’s now November, and the year is almost over, I have been reflecting on all this year brought us. You know the saying “The days are long but the years are short”?! Well my saying is “the days fly by and the years are short!” Seriously , the days seem to zoom on by, even when we are just at home, nowhere to go, there is always much to do. It just goes by so incredibly quick.

Today we are hanging in my bed, snuggling , watching movies, maybe a board game or so. With baby girl being only 9 days old, I still need to force myself to rest! Not just “not cook or clean” but actually lay and rest:) So that is today’s plan and it still will go back so so fast.

I would love to be able to write a bit more on this blog and make it more into a journal of our days. I am thinking a title change is needed and an explosions of posts :)
So if you want to tag along and read about our lives, life of a family of 8,  please stick around :)

It’s Wednesday, middle of the week! Let’s be joyful and find ourselves smiling , more than not ❤️

( Its always myself or Shane, behind the camera! Working with what we have!) 

Unless....unless we use the timer option :) 

Check in

Well, another birthday for me is in the books. Hello 31:) growing older sure is bitter sweet.....not that I am old 🤪 we had a full day of an early midwife appointment, and an afternoon 1 month check up for Edison. For anyone wondering he is 13lbs 7 oz,  23 inches long and perfectly healthy 😍😍

In between those appointments we picked up all the free birthday coffee I could get my hands on, and then a chilly walk around downtown, catching some Pokémon, exploring  a fun alleyway called graffiti alley, and then met up with Shane after work :)  Pizza and cake and surprise video game time for me and the boys , is how we ended the night :) 

Why is it each year goes faster and faster? It’s the question we all ask right, or is it just me? I thought I just had my 30th birthday but turns out, 365 days actually passed and lots of life was lived in between. Year 30 brought us our 5th baby, among many other memories times, but that one sticks out the most ☺️😜 Life with him here had been a joy. He is a joy. I hope this next year brings another new adventure, and no I don’t mean another little one😳 I mean “give me all the newborns” but seriously, we are done now 😁  This next year promises to bring lots of crazy, loudness, laughter, tears and joy. My hope is that I fully embrace it all. The good the bad the ugly.  Life is precious and fleeting.... I plan to continue to learn, grow and live in grace that is given by the one who matters most. Without Him, all of this is nothing.... I am so glad I know that life is not for nothing, but it is kingdom work. No matter how small or how big. And right now my kingdom work is filled with very little people, but it’s big work :) 

Edison Theodore Reed

So our sweet little man is already a month old!! My last blog entry was while we were trying to patiently wait on his arrival! Finally on October 8th at 2:14 am, Shane and i were able to hold our sweet squishy baby boy!! He was here. Everything went as perfectly as it possibly could have. After a full Saurday in Ann Arbor, we finally got home around 9 at night and I soon realized it was time, and we needed to head back to the hospital! We made a game plan to see who could come stay with the kids, Posey was already asleep so we had asked our sweet friend Bria to come stay at our house with the kids :) She took such sweet care of them, letting them have an entire can of Vernors!! 😜 Saying bye to them was hard, even though a small part of me though “maybe this isn’t the real thing, I wouldn’t be surprised!” Saying bye to Owen was actually the hardest. He so badly wanted to go with us, to see the birth and experience it all. He asked shane to take videos and he cut me up some cucumbers because he was worried they wouldn’t feed me. Writing it all out now makes me all tearey eyed. He really is the sweetest kid. Henry and Ellanore were excited he was finally gonna be here, but they were winding down ready to rest and watch the movie they picked out(Harry Potter) 😋  

Out drive to the hospital was much better then our late morning drive into Ann Arbor. It was the UofM vs STATE game and thankfully they had a night game , so traffic was not back to crazy like earlier! However it was storming and raining and we stopped for food which took about 30 mins of our previous time! With my contraction counter telling me “it’s time to go to the hospital!!”  I knew Shane wouldn’t be eating for a while so we needed to fuel up. 

Arriving to the hospital, all was calm and quiet, parking was a breeze(unlike all the other times before) and we easily walked up to the floor we needed and got settled. 

I wasn’t in full blown labor like I had been with Posey and Ellanore.... we were calm and all was peaceful:) so much so I was nervous we had HOURS of labor ahead still. The midwives were all amazing and basically said, whatever you want to do, we will do! And “do you want a tub room to birth in” came out of their mouths and I quickly exclaimed yes, and we headed up to our delivevery room. Even when they had to break the news that my second group b test came back positive, and I started to cry, they completely let the choice be ours and there was no pressure at all. 

We were blessed with an amazing nurse and a slew of wonderful midvies(even though I was only in labor about....3 hours?)   

Things were progressing but I still was smiling and calm, talking and laughing, so there was still a doubt in my mind that this wasn’t really happening! I mean, I was almost 3 weeks past my due date... seemed like little Edison didn’t really want to come out ;) anyways , around 1am I was finally convinced that this was happening and possibly almost over. Still wasn’t miserable but I mean, those contractions were real!!! Shane took videos and pictures and was calm and collected the entire time , reassuring me I could do, I was doing it and the end was near! Around 1:55, at 7cm I got in the tub and at 2:14 he was born, in the tub!!! Which was a dream!! I always wanted a water birth and finally got one!! I feel like we did it all on our own, start to finish. And yes I say we because I honestly couldn’t labor and give birth to these babies without Shane there by my side! Despite all the extra waiting we had to go through before Edison arrived, I wouldn’t change anything. It was such a sweet ending to my birthing journey. My body kept him inside longer, providing a safe perfect place for him, close to my heart, and then when it was time, my body did it all on its own. No membranes swept, castle oil, or any other intervention medical or natural was needed. I doubted a little that my body could do it, but it reminded me again how it knows what to do:) Edison was gently, peacefully and joyfully brought into this world. I guided him out and picked him up out of the water , onto my chest and just felt this amazing sense of accomplishment. It was astonishing. 

This 1st month with him have been filled with emotions, so so many. Joy, excitement, exhaustion,  nervous, love, overwhelm, sadness and thankfulness: I am sure I could keep going. I even felt a since of grief. Like I was going through a grieving process of an empty womb, never to carry life again inside it. It was a huge deal that first week. It was as beautiful though and I think necessary. 

The kids are amazing and just were overjoyed to bring Edison home :) Getting home too way way too long. I think we were in the hospital until Tuesday night!! Usually we bust out right at 24hours!! So the extra time there for sure put a kink in our plans, but overall, probably was a good thing:) extra time with just him and rest. It was hard though, not going to lie, being inside when it was beautiful outside and not being with our other kiddos, it was not easy. 

The first night home Henry asked if this was Edison’s first time at home and even though it was,’it didn’t feel like it, it felt like he had been here always! It all just felt right and normal right from the start. 

The month was filled with a few thousand pictures and mini videos , unlimited snuggles, endless diaper changes, smiles, laughs, tears and struggles :) it’s been so very good. The kids ask to hold him about every five minutes 😜😍 and sometimes it’s a fight to see who goes first. They all love him so so much. They themselves are overwhelmed with his “cute tiny finger and toes” his coos and yawns, how soft he is and how squishy he is. I want to remember how it feelsto hold  him. How is body just melts into my arms, rests on my chest and our breathing syncs. How he can be squished into a little ball fetal position like he as in the womb, and he just loves it. How he can be crying and as soon as he hears my voice or feels my has picking him up, he calms and there are no more tears.  I want to remember how soft his skin is, how smooth his hair is and the send of his newborn ness, yes it’s a thing , newborns have a smell:) I want to remember it all. 

He smiles, I promise you he does. I think at the end of week 1, we had genuine smiles!! And when he is awake, he is so so awake! He is so alert and bright eyes, soaking everything up and his eyes are joyful!! His overall mood is content and joyful!! He even coos and laughs!! I swear he laughs already.... and tries to talk to us:) Owen thinks it too. He just makes so many sweet sweet sounds, he is telling us he loves us 😍😍

A month in and this new life as a family of 7 just seems right. Crazy and hard and full of challenges, but it all seems right. Shane and I have some to the realization that our house may never be all the way clean again, that everything we need to get done, may not get done, and the days of staying in pjs may outnumber the days we get dressed 😬 it is all worth it though. Everything. It’s worth it. 

This new season of motherhood (parenthood) is truely refining. Not that motherhood wasn’t before, but it’s even more so now. Life goes so fast. They say the days are long and the years are short, but right now, the days are short and so are the weeks, months and years!!! Its going so so fast. 

My hope is that I blog more, in this beyond busy season. Makes sense right?? 😝 the reason why is that I want to remember it all. The struggles , triumphs and the mundane moments of it all. I want to document it more than ever now. 

So hears to month 1 with Edison here :) we love him and are enjoying his newness so so much ☺️☺️ 

Waiting on baby 👶🏼

Hey everyone :) I am still here and still pregnant 🤰🏼 You can either say I am 41 and 3 or 40 and 6, depending on which due date I give you:) this is what happens when an ob comes in, knowing nothing about you or your pregnancy history, and starts to change things 🙄 Seriously though, nothing against obs, they are needed :) people are seeming greatly concerned for me and how uncomfortable I must be. Honestly though, my body is feeling pretty great, just sleeping is tough. A big, round belly is hard to sleep with when you can only lay on your sides!!


Life is still normal around here. Schooling, playing, cleaning, adventuring.... life is still in motion. I think God is trying to remind me that I need to soak in this season, because a new one is coming. I love change, it's so good and refreshing, but a part of my heart still has a hard time of  letting the past season go. I analyze my mistakes, all that took place, I think how it could have been better, more meaningful, more intentional.... the list goes on.  Maybe that is just part of motherhood, parenthood, but I have always been like that in small ways. So these extra days without baby boy here with us, even though they are far from perfect, I have greatly valued and appreciated. Owen, Henry, Ellanore and Posey are my little crew! They drive me bonkers and I fail them, they fail me, we all mess up, but we love being together. And I know baby boy will only add to that, but it certainly will change a bit. Thankfully they are excited, eager to hold him and impatiently awaiting his arrival!!!


He will arrive and all will be joyous 😍 Now is the hard part anyways, labor and birth!! 😂😩😜😬😁 that gives me all the crazy feels, for real. Birth is amazing, and after it all done it's like the greatest accomplishment ever.... but seriously... it's no joke! Again, I am thankful I am getting extra
time to prepare for that 🙌🙌

P.s. I have an amazing husband who is supporting me, encouraging me, talking and listening to me, reminding me to relax and enjoy and make memories. I am not sure what state I would be in without him. Thank you shane, I know this is just as crazy of a ride for you as it is for me! I love you 😘

37 weeks and counting!!!

Hey everyone! So babsically I am about to have our 5th baby, yes you read that right, 5th!!!! Crazy train is rolling back in 😜 In all honesty though we are so excited, terrified and READY to have our baby boy in our arms!  

Ever since we found out we were expecting, I have said I was going to journal all about it.....hahaha let's just say this post and the one before is all I did 🙄😬 life just is so busy! Even on days we stay home all day, moments of free time or energy to write don't come that frequent!  ( between this paragraph and the next, 7 hours passes, see what I mean 😜)

All my pregnancies have been wonderful, fairly easy, and enjoyable!!! I mean as much as gaining 45-50lbs, and someone kicking, spinnning and stretching you from the inside out, can be!! Pregnancy number 5 hasn't been much different than the rest. A few more aches and pains, a bit more tired, and the stretching began right away:) I mean, I couldn't really expect anything else when this is my 5th pregnancy, one is bound to be harder than the other. 

The beginning was like all the others. Tired and just feeling sick to my stomach. I think hormones get worse each time though, and fear comes in a destroys you more and more each time as well. That was a real struggle for shane and I, fear. We felt so blessed to have 4 amazing, health children, were we pushing our luck? We weren't planning for a 5th, we weren't exactly super super excited right at first(just being honest here) What if something goes wrong?? All the what ifs rolled right on in. The fears never really went away, they have been pushed to the side and not entertained, but man, fear in pregnancy is so, so real. In parenting also, but in pregnancy you have zero control of what is happening.... it's a humbling experience for sure. So yea, 1st trimester was typical, emotional and tired :) 

2nd trimester I was already feeling so huge!!! Fifth baby belly pop is no joke!! I definitely got bigger quicker, and then would level out. I still had a bit of nausea to deal with, which was a bit different for me!! And we still hadn't decided where we would deliver the baby! I was visiting my old midwife and good friend for appointments, but that couldn't last too much longer as it was up in Saginaw about 2 hours away.  We went back and forth on home birth or hospital birth, and at about 30 weeks decided to go with U.of.M midwives. 

Finding out we were having another boy was really really exciting:) we had the ultra sound tech write it in a care, and then we got the kids, went to the garden we were married in, and opened it together!!!! And it was my goal to video tape the whole thing.....but I dropped the ball on that 😩 I rememeber hearing Owen say "boy" and seeing the word "boy" and just being so socked and excited!!!! I mean we all know it's either boy or girl, but the reveal is still so exciting!!! A 3rd boy! The boys, especially Henry, were beyond excited, and Ellanore tried to contain her disappointment she wouldn't be getting another sister ❤️  It was super special and I am so glad we found out with the kids :) 

As far as baby movement, I started feeling baby move around week 27!!  Crazy right?! I mean I felt him or his hiccups a few times but nothing crazy noticeable. And I would have to lay down, in a quiet room and really focus on feeling the movement. That would be a rare thing in this house!! After weeks 27/28, I could feel his rolls, kicks and bumps much more often:) The reason I didn't feel much movement until then is because my placenta is covering him right up, and absorbed most all the movements :) so, perfectly normal and that was the case with all my pregnancies except with Henry. I was really hoping we could feel baby boys movements early, I was so looking forward to the kids being able to feel it. The wait was still worth it, they love feeling him move(when they can sit still long enough to actually feel it)! Before they could actually feel his movement, they loved to just hug my belly, kiss it or say hi to the baby :) Little baby is moving and grooving in there now. Watching my belly wave and jump, is our favorite thing. The kids all guess where he is, what part they are feeling or where he will kick next time!! I will miss that. It all goes so fast and it's like you have amnesia when it's over, you just can't remember ever even feeling that. 

Part of the reason I wanted to journal is because this is our last pregnancy. I know, y'all are laughing at that, and maybe I am wrong and it won't be, but with posey, I didn't prepare my heart for that to be my last pregnancy, last birth, last newborn.... all the last firsts. I didn't realize shane was actually serious that  time when he said "last baby" 😂😂😂 he had said that before 🤣😂 But this time it's for real😬

And I know that you never will fully be prepared to be done, at least I don't think I willl be. I feel way more content this time around, and ok with being done. I have tried my humanly best to enjoy all of this, capture it, make memories it, and whatever else I think will help me be ready to move on to a new season :) I still have time to go, baby is not quite ready, but for sure is getting there!!! An exciting new adventure is about to start! 

Also... this is what my phone looks like after owen or Henry takes my picture 

And there were even more 😂🤣😂🤣

Baby #5 gender reveal 👶🏻

So hello again blog world! Basically my social media friends and family:) It has been a REALLY REALLY  long time since I last blogged!!  I have often thought about writing an entry, and just have not made the time.  Something about raising 4 kids, growing a 5th, taking care of a house, trying to homeschool and staying connected to my husband.... life gets crazy!! 

Today we had our ultra sound for this 5th pregnancy!!! Shane took the day off and my parents were able to watch the kids!!! They had a lot of fun! 

I really wanted to find out with the kids, boy or girl, so I asked the ultra sound tech to fill in the spot I left on this card, so we could open it all together!! So we were able to see our baby, adorable and healthy, and then have a little day date before we met the kids :)

We had my parents meet us at the art museum we were married at:) thankfully it's beautiful outside !! Ok so the plan was all 6 of us, sit together and open this card, and I was gonna prop up my phone for a little video :) sweet right??!! I was so excited!! This is what I got..... nothing :) As I was putting the phone down to join my family , I must have hit the end button 😫😫😫 big time bummer!! Owen read the card aloud and then opened it and we all gasped with excitement!! So much like parenting, it didn't go exactly as planned, was still good  and beautiful,   but it didn't go as planned😜 I have the memory of it, and us all being together, I will etch it in my mind :) 

So we made another plan and here's the outcome!!  

Really creative, right??! 

I was truely shocked when I saw "boy" written there!!! I am a momma to 3 boys!! I really just expected a girl, for various reasons, but seeing boy there, my heart just fluttered with excitement. Either boy or girl it would have been exciting and wonderful, but Henry is our baby boy, so it's been a while since we've had a itty bitty baby boy to hold!!! 

It's a crazy wild ride, emotional and physical, I am so honored to raise these precious children, even when I feel like i am doing it all wrong!  

Yawning!!! So sweet!!!