I am not going to lie, its been a rough few weeks, especially with Owen. Being 3 isn't easy, even more so when you are strong willed, super smart, adorable, and have gone through so many changes for a 3 year old!! We went to MI a few weeks ago, suddenly, due to a family member passing, and it was a rough 2 weeks there. It was like the start of these uncontrollable emotional breakdowns for Owen....and the start to Henry using the word "NO" with strength and authority!! They had a great time, but it was still a lot!! Well, it has calmed down a bit now that we are at home and back on a normalish routine. Today was not a very wonderful day though for some reason!! It was like Owen's ears were turned off to me, and my patience was turned off to him!! It was a beautiful day outside today, and we were outside almost all day!! Which was wonderful, and also posed challenges! With a 36 week prego chasing around 2 toddlers in their non fenced in back yard....ya get a bit tired!
Anyways, i don't want to ramble about the challenges of my day...I do have a point I was trying to get at! At bed tonight, we are putting both boys in bed together now, getting Henry ready for it in case baby sleeps in crib when we get home. Owen was testing a little bit and henry wanted to roll around like an alligator until he fell off the bed! Owen loves to be held at night time, love love loves it. In fact, he still wakes up at night, asking to come back into his bed and hold him. I do love it, but it does pose some challenges. Tonight henry, who doesn't love to be held that much at bed time, rather just lay next too, wanted to be held tonight!! So here i am, trying to hold and rock both of them, and my hugely round belly, trying to get them to sleep!! Shane, is driving home from a 4 hour commute to Blacksburg today :( So daddy wasn't there to help, which is ok, gotta do what what you gotta do! Well, owen was trying really hard to just let me hold Henry, and get him calm. And he just looked at henry and said "let me cuddle you Henry" "Mommy, i just want to hold his hand...pat his belly, rub his back...." Here is my little 3 year old, trying to grow up, and do what mamma and daddy do to get them to sleep, and was so loving and serious about it. I loved it, but it also broke my heart a little. I know he is fighting a battle between staying little, and growing to be a big boy. He goes back and forth all day long with sometimes mimicking henry, or acting like a big boy even more so. That is where the emotional breakdowns usually come into play. I have been telling myself he is having a hard time adjusting to the thought that baby sister is coming soon, and that is why he has been acting like this. He is so beyond excited about Ellanore coming, but deep inside, it is still going to be hard to handle, despite his love for her. Tonight at bedtime it was like he was saying "ok mom, you win, i will grow up and you can have this new baby and i will not be little anymore"
I know he really wasn't saying that 100% but my heart felt like it, and it hurt for him. So i told henry to try to lay down, gave him his blanket, and rocked owen, while he was holding his toy fishing pole and whispered to him " be little, be little Owen, do not rush these precious times" and other little things of love and and how very precious he is to us. He drifted off, peacefully, Henry hung in there and after big brother was asleep, he was in my arms again.
I know it seems like i just made henry act like an older big boy by making him wait for momma to get older brother asleep, and that probably happens more than i realize (Owen does require a lot of mamma attention) but henry still is little, and acts little, and plays like a little...Owen, the older he gets, i think needs more reassurance that we love him, no matter what...no matter how bad the day was, how big he is, what he does or says....no conditions.
So, my children are not ready, not emotionally, not yet. They will do wonderfully and love their sister and the transition will take place, ready or not. I just actually saw it today, the struggle, and it affected me. I need to make these next few weeks focused on them....not about getting the nursery all decorated, the house immaculate (ha!!), dinner on the table at the same time (ha!!), or making sure i get my workouts in. These days I will not get back, and once again, things are going to change. Just because I am ready, doesn't mean they are. Its hard to always remember that, for some reason, you think it would be easy, but its not. But I try,and will continue to try my best.
They certainly know how to pull on the heart strings.
Amanda
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