It’s Thursday, how is it Thursday?! I am sure my husband who has been back to work, isn’t saying “wow the work week is flying by!” But I sure am saying that! The weather here has been beautiful so the kids spent the morning outside and then we found a ninja warrior esq obsticle course, so they played and ran the course for a while this afternoon :) Now it’s rest time so we are watching what our 2 year old calls “Woody- Buzz!!” Otherwise know as Toy Story!
It’s funny how as soon as you see those two pink little lines on the pregnancy test, how quickly everything floods back into the foreground! And no, I am not announcing we are pregnant again, that’s insane and impossible, I am simply reminiscing on the last 10 months, carrying and growing this sweet little baby girl. Although I have been pregnant 6 times(wow that’s crazy!) it still boggles my mind what out bodies can do! Ya know?! You endure this intense first trimester of extreme fatigue, changing hormones and morning sickness. 12 weeks or in some cases, longer , of all that nonsense!! I means the changing hormones and emotions that comes with parenthood in general never ends, but thank goodness the other two do!! I remember with this pregnancy I would start to feel nauseous if I hadn’t eaten in a while. So already it was like constant eating, and I instantly looked pregnant! For real, I had the baby bump like at week 4 it seemed like. Your body just knows what to do; been there done that. Also, to help the fatigue issue, I instantly get an aversion to coffee, so so sad. So I am fighting the feeling I might throw up, trying to find something that sounds good enough to eat, sleepy, and caffeine deprived. Who wouldn’t want to do this 6 times?! But we do, and it’s worth it and it’s life changing. To my am children that may read this one day, every hard thing, every nap I wanted to take but didn’t, every time I wanted to vomit, every coffee less day, I would do it all again and wouldn’t change a thing. You’re worth it, and more.
That first trimester seemed so long this time. We didn’t tell anyone , not even the kids, until about week 12?! We were packing up and moving out. Life was about to change big time, so we kept it a little secret. The day Shane had to leave Michigan and start working in the Virginia market, we decided to tell the kids. In a hotel room, with way to much of our stuff in it, the kids found out that their wish had come true, another baby would be joining our family. They were so so happy. Then we told them we already knew the baby was a girl!!! Ellanore and Posey were beyond thrilled and the boys seemed perfectly tickled by it ❤️ We didn’t yet officially know you Evelyn, but we were in love 🥰.
Isn’t it funny how you love someone so deeply, someone you haven’t even officially met?! All we knew about her was that she was a she, and her faint little movements she would give us.
Which brings me to the first thing I will really miss about pregnancy, feeling your baby move!! And despite my kids being a good size, I was never bothered by their kicks and rolls, sometimes not even feeling them until the 3rd trimester!! But when we did feel them, man it was wonderful!! Just the other day, Ellanore said, while holding Evelyn mind you, “ I miss feeling her move in your belly”. ❤️ Another soul, another heart, beating close to yours, growing, stretching kicking, it is such a special gift. There wouldn’t be a day that went by where Owen did ask if I had felt the baby move lately, and then proceeded to snuggle my belly. It’s those little moments that really make me enjoy pregnancy. I will miss my kids experiencing that on some level with me. I will hold on to the hope that one day I can experience them having that amazing experience when they are grown and starting a family🥰❤️😭
As the weeks went on, the realization of labor drawing nearer, I was increasingly more fearful about it all. Would labor be long? Could i endure it ? Will Shane be close to home? What if it’s super quick and he is gone!? Among all those probably normal concerns, were the extreme ones also: what if something goes wrong?? What if the baby is not ok? Fear likes to sneak in and take your joy.
In the beginning of October, I was able to attend our church’s first women’s conference. I was blessed with hearing amazing women remind us, remind me, of the truth of who I am. Now, who I am, isn’t just human growing machine:) Its so much more, wrapped into this amazing process. This intricate process that I believe only God, creator of the universe, could have designed. Despite my fears, the truth is He designed women to have this wonderful capability. He does not fail. No matter what your outcome is: natural, c-section, emergency, and anything in between, I knew that I would sit will with my soul.
I swear at 37 weeks, everyone starts expecting you to have the baby! I really wish that the 37weeks means full term thing , would just go bye bye! For those of us that have babies that like to stay cozy in there a little bit longer, it makes it really rather annoying ;)
I knew I would go past my due date. It just didn’t seems like I would be having her anytime soon. However, I really wanted to NOT go into 43 weeks again like with Edison!!! I felt wonderful with Edison, all 11 pounds of him, staying put in my womb. This time around I wasn’t as rosey :) My back hurt, that darn siatic started to not want to feel the best! I was ping ponging back and forth between being ready to face labor and wanting to run from it. The hormones shifting, causing havoc in my emotions, good and bad, was a bit stronger than usual. I want to insert something here that I didn’t realize until after labor and birth of Evelyn. Shane one day asked the kids what they thought life would be like if sim hadn’t entered the world, if we were still in Eden. I thought on it also, and thought “what would birth be like?!” Would it be the same? Pain free? Easy?? That then led me to this picture. Within pregnancy and labor, God painted a beautiful picture of our wait for Heaven. Becoming pregnant is like understanding that God sent Jesus as our savior, dying for us, and putting our faith in God that He will come back for us one day. It’s not always an easy walk. Just because we love God and follow him doesn’t mean life is easy! Growing pains, stretching, uncomfortable movements, pain, doubt, questions galore, studying to understand better.....an incredible amount of parallels can be drawn! We are waiting for this amazing end: in pregnancy a baby, and in life, Heaven. Life is all these things I listed and more. Pregnancy and labor is just metaphor for our lives here in this broken world. It can be beautiful, but ultimately it is not our home, we are awaiting heaven. Enter scene : the baby. The moment your baby is earth side, it’s like a joy completely indescribable, sacred, and complete! It all makes sense! Every struggle, pain, tear that was shed, it all was worth it! You understand. The Bible says that Heaven will have no home for tears,sickness, hurt, anger or death! Now I understand that unlike Heaven, after your give birth to your child, life keeps going on and it is still imperfect. But how amazing is it that as a believer, one who knows that that God designed me, as a women, to be distinctly different and have different purpose, He uses that to share what a joy it will be to enter heavens gates. We don’t need to be afraid. For He is good.
Ok so back to my story, I sorta went off a little there :)
My due date came and went. As I expected. Physically I was done, ready to have this baby. Emotionally, I was not as much. It’s a tender thing to have this child grow in your womb, only then to bring it into this world and then not have that intense connection anymore. The final weeks of pregnancy have always been emotional for me, whether you see that or not. Inside I am listing all the things we didn’t do before baby, all the pregnancy pictures I didn’t take, all the journaling I didn’t do, how the house is NEVER clean and how can we welcome this perfect baby into a messy house..... just all the things can pile up in your heart and it’s a lot to process. So I am never in a hurry to give birth, for I know that this limbo area is a special, weird time.
Well on Sunday night, the 27th, I was feeling some contractions, but I just assumed it was end of the day tiredness and didn’t think anything of it. However we should have know. Edison was very sad and emotional when we brought up baby sister , and he gave me extra snuggles and love. He must have know it was near.... not sure how, but it seems like he knew 🥰 Waking is throughout the night, especially towards the end of pregnancy, is not uncommon. I was up a few times and the second or third time up, I wondered if I was in labor. After a while I just stayed up, it was about 4:30am. I told Shane I think I was in labor but we didn’t need to rush. I started to just pick up things to keep myself busy, and things progressed quickly. Starting to feel transition approach, I called the midwife, we got the kids up, and headed out the door. The kids were a combination of excited and still asleep. Henry and Ellanore were PUMPED. Owen, Posey and Edison were basically sleep walking :)
Que all the tears. I didn’t want to say bye to the kids. I didn’t want to be in labor, but I ultimately knew it was of course all part of the plan. Hard things are sometimes good things. I am so grateful that Shane is calm and collected ( I am sure he would dispute that). He gathered us in prayer, and then efficiently loaded the car and saw the kids into our friends home.
The 15 minute car ride to the hospital was sweet, last moments before sweet Evelyn arrived. I had Shane park in the wrong lot, my bad, I parked there all the time for my midwife appointments and didn’t think anything of it. Shane wheeled me into the hospital, one last time, even though I was still ok with walking and talking. Meghan, our midwife was there and had Christmas lights dimly lighting the room and bathroom. Everything was ready. Really, all they needed was me, it was very calm and quiet.
Labor picked up quickly you could say. We arrived to the room a bit before 6 am and she was born at 7:15. Thank goodness it wasn’t a long labor. I barely wanted to keep going after the maybe 45 mins of active labor. Breathing and focus never has been so helpful!
I was free to do what I needed. It was all up to me. Having that freedom, and also having my body work in sync with the baby, and exactly how it needed to, is such an amazing, empowering feeling. I found my grove. I complained a bit ;) Made some jokes about “never doing this again “ But I knew in my heart that this was good good work. Breathing in, breathing out, rocking, humming, squeezing and beating it all down, I kept reminding my heart that this is all perfectly designed. Part of my purpose was this. That’s not a bad thing. It was empowering in my quiet mind to remember that.
I knew I was close, but something was different. My water hadn’t broke yet. I knew she would be born if it were to break, and a quick memory of Henry’s long labor flashed before me. His water was still intact and i felt that bearing down pressure for sure a long time. I knew I did not want her to break my water, this was the finale and I didn’t want anyone helping my body to its job. She wasn’t born in caul, but it was very close. Having that water intact while my body pushed, felt wildly different and like something was wrong. Let’s me say that after labor I noticed I had something in my throat, well nope it was just my uvula (hangy-Ball in your throat😂) completely swollen from yelling. 😬😱😂
She was born at 7:15, into my arms. She was warm and squishy and slippery. Wrinkled , red and swollen, I just quietly held her. Soaking in the last, first moments, of my baby, earth side, and no longer completely in the same location. I remember when it was time for Shane to cut the cord, I welled up with tears, as the last connection our bodies would have in this pregnancy journey, was over. I knew I needed to look for moments like that, to appreciate and store away in my heart.
We sat in quiet, eating really bad hospital food, snapping pictures and resting, for a few hours. She wasn’t even weighed or measured. It was just us, the three of us, soaking her in. Literally watching her change those first few hours as fluids disperse and she coloring normalizes. It’s incredible.
I realized, not for the first time, but remembered, that this entire motherhood journey, starting from the very moment we learned about Owen, to this very moment, God is growing me in this journey. In the very best way possible. He has used this journey to reveal so much about his heart and character and helping me understand and breathe in the gospel even more.
Pregnancy was over, labor was endured, and now the rest begins.
A beautiful and life changing chapter had ended new exciting adventure was starting. Evelyn Rosalie’s adventure was truly starting. Life as a family of 8 was about to begin!!
If you read all this and still want to be friends, then you get me and I love that :)
